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Of course the day I’m reading a book with a prominent set of breasts on the cover is the day my boss asks me, “What are you reading?” as I saunter into the break room with my book.

Fortunately, there’s no shame in my reading game. I flashed her the cover with a smile and said, “It’s a lot like Game of Thrones.”

And I stand by the comparison. The Queen’s Bastard IS a lot like Game of Thrones--the TV show, not the books. You know how when you try to read the Game of Thrones books, you drown in extraneous junk about obscure characters who don’t matter? Yeah, there’s none of that here. Each scene is presented much the way it would be on the screen: the characters appear, stuff happens, and then we’re ushered smoothly on to the next scene. It’s like you’re an omniscient fly, somehow stuck to every wall in the castle right next to whatever shit is going down.

And lots of shit goes down. Belinda Primrose is, after all, a spy and assassin, as well as the unacknowledged bastard daughter of the queen. She’ll go to any lengths to protect her queen and by extension her country--up to and including sexing up and murdering her targets. I’ve seen some reviewers complain about her ruthlessness, but I have to wonder how many of those reviewers have watched a James Bond movie without batting an eye at 007’s promiscuity and cold-bloodedness. Mayhaps what really gets such readers’ tighty-whities in a bunch is the fact that the lusty murderer is actually a murderess? *sips tea*

Lord forbid a woman enjoy both her conquests and her line of work, amiright?

Anywhoodle, I love books that make me constantly question characters’ motives. Who’s on which side, who’s betraying whom, who’s lying, who’s cheating, who’s working for whom, who’s looking out just for their own interests, I love it all. That is this book from page 1, and it’s awesome. And there’s a sequel--excuse me while I go shove it into my face.

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This book is narrated by a stalker, and it is every bit as creepy and vile as you would expect such a book to be. Joe lives a solitary life and works in a bookstore. When a pretty girl walks in and casually flirts with him across the counter, it's the beginning of a twisted game of cat and mouse.

It turns out Joe's quarry, Beck, is a prolific social media user, unwittingly flooding him with a constant stream of information about herself, which he uses to startling and sickening effect. No one can be allowed to stand in the way of what Joe sees as their true love. He is willing to do just about anything to get with her—from staging a meet cute, to breaking into her apartment for recon, to threatening the life of her clingy friend Peach (yes, Peach—this is NYC, did I mention?), and much more that is too creeptastic to go into here.

You is very much a book of its moment, with the social media and pop culture references, and Beck's obsession with publicly documenting the minutiae of her life. And even though she and her friends roll their eyes at the show “Girls,” that is exactly what they reminded me of, with their insistence on dating immature guys and their fake, two-faced relationships with each other, saccharine one minute and claws out the next.

If you're in the market for a read that will make you want a shower as badly as you want to find out what happens next, this is that book.